Those are two words that I never thought I’d write together. But it’s true
One of the reasons my boyfriend (well, ex-boyfriend) and I used to fight was because he didn’t want to do things I wanted to do. After eight hours of work, he didn’t want to put on snow pants and slide down a frozen hill while getting snow up his ass. I couldn’t imagine why not. So I didn’t go sledding. And I’m bitter because of it. Now it’s summer and there are a billion things to do, but he won’t be there for me to get mad at him for not doing them with me. Instead, I have to find friends to do them with, or – gasp – go alone and meet new people.
When you’re in a relationship, you tend to get comfortable with being a unit. If one person doesn’t want to do something, you don’t do it. You want to spend time together – so you sacrifice some things that you enjoy, because you enjoy being with them more. And when you finally get tired of sacrificing enough things and venture out by yourself or with friends, you wish they were there with you to experience them too. And that kind of takes away the fun.
The fact is, not everybody wants to do what you want to do. Not even your friends. You want to see that super cool indie flick? Surprise! None of your friends want to see it. You want to watch that really awesome indie band? Surprise! Nobody wants to see that either. You would expect the people who love you or at least have things in common with you to want to do the same things with you – but a lot of the time, they’re busy or they just aren’t interested. It sucks, but you can’t let people dictate your life.
Now that I’m single (God that’s weird to write) I have to push myself out of my comfort zone. I don’t have someone to hold my hand when I walk across the street, let alone put their arm around me at an event. I have friends who don’t live by me, work long hours or study late into the night – so if I want to do something, odds are I’m going to have to go alone. Even if people I know join the Facebook event, they’re not always accountable. Something always comes up, and I’m left texting in one hand and sipping a cocktail in the other, awkward as hell.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. The other night I really wanted to go to this fundraiser, and I went alone because I thought there were going to be people there I knew (because they joined the Facebook page). But there was no one there who I knew. Well, there were a few people I kind of knew, but for the most part I was awkward as hell. But instead of leaving right away (something I might have done in the past) I stayed with a purpose: Networking. This was a fundraiser for a literary journal – and there were other writers/artists who would be great to get to know for my business. So I networked like a champ.
I met poets, writers, comedians – and even my boss, who I’d only talked to through email before. The people I talked to not only were great resources for my business, but gave me contact information for other people they thought I should know. In the span of a few hours, I made not only potential business partners, but potential acquaintances who might be at events like this in the future – and potential friends who might want to go with me to events like this in the future. I wasn’t alone anymore – I was doing something I loved, with people who wanted to do the same thing as me. And because I’m now single, I didn’t feel like something was holding me back from having fun. I wasn’t in a unit – It was just me. And for the first time since being in a relationship, I was happy being alone.
You can read My Pleasure every Wednesday at mltsmag.com. And be sure to check out Amanda’s website, Flurt!
