“Three Lessons I Learned As a Resident Assistant”

MICHELE ELAINE HANNON, author of our “My Busiest Year” column, reflects on her first semester as a resident assistant and shares three of the lessons she learned.

The author with her fellow Resident Assistants.

When I applied to be a Resident Assistant my freshman year, I didn’t make the cut due to a very rough first semester. Sophomore year, I reapplied. I had a higher GPA and more determination than ever. I was crushed unlike ever before when I accidentally received an e-mail saying I didn’t get it.

Then, on February 22, 2011 at some point in the afternoon, I learned I got the RA position, and to date, it is one of the happiest moments of my life. I found myself thanking every lucky star I apparently had and didn’t know about.

Later, one of my interviewers told me he wanted me to work in Peabody Hall because I “had the right artistic spirit for it.” I was honored. I’ve never thought too much of myself so hearing a stranger say that really brought a smile to my face.

The training class in the spring came and went in the blink of an eye, and after a really tough summer, I found I’d arrived at August 11, the first day of actual training. Moving in, I found myself more thrilled than I think I even was on my first day of college. I met the other six fellow RAs, my two bosses and settled into my room. I had high expectations for that day, but I don’t think any expectations could prepare me for the journey I have been on since then.

By the end of training week, I felt like a different person. And now, as the first semester nears its end, I find it crazy to think of who and where I was, and where I’ve landed. One semester of being an RA, and I’ve learned more about life, college and myself than I did in my first two years. Of all the things I’ve learned since becoming an RA, these are probably the three most important lessons:

1 No matter who you are, there is someone somewhere who cares. Might sound cliché, as I’m sure all of these lessons will, but I never realized until this year just how many people I’ve had in my life who truly give a crap that I exist. And the same goes for others. I’ve had some people come to me as an RA with some of the saddest things imaginable, and it was my job to tell them how much they matter. I reminded these students that even if it was only me, someone out there who loves her and thinks her life is the most precious gift.

2 Forget diamonds; a well-organized calendar is a girl’s best friend. It’s often said that time management is one of the most important life tools and saying that to a high school or college student is essentially like talking to a brick wall. The tendency is to think, “I got this,” or “I’ll just wing it.” Face it. Life don’t work that way, sister. I recently started to hardcore use a Google calendar and it’s one of the smartest things I’ve done in a long time. It keeps my head together, lays out everything that must be done and even lets me code it in pretty colors to distract me from how intimidating such a large amount of work is. I honestly look back on my life before my calendar and wonder how the heck I got anything done. [Editor’s note: Before she started using Google’s Calendar, she missed every single deadline we gave her.]

3 Life goes on. This is the simplest lesson but also the one of most importance. This semester, I held a program based on the idea of Post Secret, a community art project started a few years back by a man named Frank Warren in which he sent post cards out to people he knew and asked them to anonymously send it back with a secret. I went about to the whole building passing them out and ultimately about twenty something residents came and we shared some incredibly amazing things.

The strength and courage in these kids completely blew me away. Their maturity, despite being only a few months out of college, and the things they overcome each day was truly eye opening. It made me take a look at my own life. I’ve been through a lot of, well, I’ll be plain, a lot of shit in my life. Lost very close family, struggled with intense bullying from my first day of pre-school to even today, been financially screwed in every which way, and without the housing I have on campus, I technically don’t have a home. But despite all this, I get up every day, and so do these kids who have been through things equally as painful, and in some cases, even worse.

But what I found the most beautiful was that of all the cards, one submitted was left almost entirely blank, and on the lower right corner, someone wrote the phrase, “Life goes on.” It’s three little words that put every other card in perspective. Family problems? Life goes on. Love gotcha down? Life goes on. Feel so stressed you could bash your own head in? Life goes on. No matter what happens in life, things are always going to go on, till one day they won’t anymore, and I don’t want that to be a day where I’m regretting the little things that get me down. Every second is an incredible gift, not to be wasted.

I don’t think if I hadn’t been an RA this year and met the amazing people I’ve met and experienced the things I have, I would have realized what I wrote about in that last lesson. Without the people I’ve met, I wouldn’t be the girl writing this essay. But I’m glad I did meet them, and I’m surprised to say, I’m finally happy with who I am. •

From M.L.T.S. Magazine‘s third issue, released in December 2011.

MY BUSIEST YEAR: When Did That Happen?

I often find that there are those moments in life when you feel like you blinked and you suddenly, months or years just happened to go by without you noticing. There’s also similar moments where something so unexpected comes up and before you know it, you find that you’re asking yourself, “When did that happen?” If that makes any sense, that’s what’s been essentially how I have been feeling since my last update.

I did not get the chance to do my usual weekly post last Saturday mostly because of all the crazy things that have been keeping me busy as of late. I feel like the semester has flown by. Some days I feel like training only just started and then I remember, “Oh, it’s almost November.” It’s pretty wild when I think of all that’s happened in this semester, yet I feel like it only started a short while ago.

My biggest development I suppose has been the fact that again this semester, things for me and film are going exceptionally well. Not only just with Mirrorwall at this point, but with me personally. One of my “When did that happen?” moments came last week when within the course of three days, I managed to become the Marketing Manager and Head Publicist on two senior thesis projects in the Film Department. Senior projects for the Temple FMA Department are a big deal, take the will power and dedication of many of the students in the program, and are something I’ve never been involved in before. One of the film producers approached me through my website, while the other happened to randomly meet me in the atrium of the film building. I feel as though I am still reeling from the opportunities that have been put before me this week.

I’m also a Coordinator of Events of sorts for a new club at Temple called the Communications Club. I feel recently like I’m spreading myself too far, but I don’t want to be missing out on opportunities like these. So what have I had to do?

Get my act even more together.

I’ve started using a really great resource which I would now recommend to just about anyone, which is Google Calendars. It allows for one of the nicest looking and most organized means of keeping myself in check that I’ve ever used. It even has a handy tasks section on the side that reminds me of the things that must be done. (this column currently at the top of the list!) And then the best thing is once I’m done, I just check it off and that’s one less thing done. Call me a visual learner, but when I am able to physically see the things I need to do getting checked off, it’s a big motivator.

I really just wish I could slow the semester down a bit. Enjoy it a little more with a little less work. But at the same time, I’m really happy with all the work I’m doing. It just bums me out sometimes because I know soon I’m going to blink again and it’s going to be December. There are so many moments where as much as I want to relax, I wish this semester could just go on forever.

MY BUSIEST YEAR: Too Legit To Quit

I have never in my life been so proud of my film related accomplishments.

This doesn’t mean I’ve started an Oscar winning script, nor have I directed something better than Steven Speilberg, but just in general these days, my act is so together where Mirrorwall is concerned that I find myself simply ecstatic.

I think of where my “company” was this time last year. Having meetings that involved 90% goofing off, 10% getting things done, not having future goals to work towards, it was generally all over the place and quite in disarray. But I look at where I’m at now . . . I’ve got a reliable team, all of whom have different filmmaking related skills to bring to the table, and with a creativity that doesn’t seem to turn off. Each meeting is scheduled, and not just in terms of dates and times, but in the sense that we have an agenda that we stick to each meeting, even if at some point we veer off for ten minutes to watch a youtube clip. I have creative, dependable, excited people, and all of it is only filling me with more energy to make this little company that couldn’t a company that most certainly can.

Chelsea Lynch, Darragh Friedman, Darren Olah and Sean Flaherty of Mirrorwall Films at our Mirrorwall Minutes production meeting

So now, equipped with business cards, promotional post cards, a beautiful new website, 340+ facebook followers, and a team that’s on fire, I say again that I am proud of myself where film is concerned. I had so many moments of doubt in the last year where I considered that maybe this wasn’t all for me. I felt I may not actually have the guts it takes to do this job. But these past few weeks have showed me I absolutely can.

It just goes to show what a changed person that I am. I used to be full of the passion for the things I loved, thinking that was all I needed. If I loved it hard enough, it would come in time. But these experiences have taught me the real truth: passion isn’t much without the drive to go with it. Without organization and determination and any other phrases ending in -ation you can think of, the passion isn’t enough. Working my ass off for the things I want this year is showing me that.

I realize, now more than ever in my life, that I am where I’m supposed to be. I don’t think I could ever stop doing what I’m doing to make my dreams into a reality, even if I wanted to.

MY BUSIEST YEAR: Looking At My Former Self

This theme of my past week seemed to be growing up, and life in general catching up with me.

When I last wrote, I was at my highest stress level I have been at in months, if not the highest all year. So much pressure, so many things to be doing, so many responsibilities. But where last week was a hectic haze of confusing, this week I found myself determined to not let that happen twice in a row. So this week, I really got it together, and got things done.

Probably the most exciting part of my week was by far, getting my business cards in the mail and launching the new Mirrorwall website. This was huge for me. Now with cards to show my legitimacy and my own domain name for Mirrorwall Films, I feel unstoppable as a filmmaker. I have a solid crew for once, I have determination like never before, and for a nice change of pace, a pleasant overflow of ideas. On the filmmaking front, I’ve never been happier.

In a lot of ways though, I find myself saying I’ve never been happier. Which brings me to why I waited to post my usual Saturday update on a Sunday. I wanted to write about what it was like working at the Temple Fall Open House today.

Sounds lame, right? Standing around in the ridiculous heat (remind me where this heat came from?!) for four hours giving out pamphlets and answering questions about what style housing to live in or which way to go to the Student Center. In that sense, today was not all that incredible.

But then I think about who I used to be; scared high school junior going on an open house tour, afraid leaving high school, afraid of not getting into any college let alone Temple, my absolute dream school. Then I think of who I was today; confident Temple University FMA junior who works as an RA, giving advice and pointers to the same students that I used to be exactly like four years ago. The fact that two students asking me questions were going into FMA made it feel even more like I was looking in a mirror and the reflection was my former self. Add that to a conversation I had with a good friend the other night and it makes me feel even more grown than ever.

We were chatting about life, and where we are now, and how fast the future is coming at us, and I made the statement saying that I hope to have kids by the time I’m 30. His response was, “You know that’s in less than nine years right?” And I froze. The thought that in less than nine years (which seeing how fast the last four went, will probably mean nine years will feel like a week or two) I might be a mother, kind of scared the shit out of me.

I’m growing at a rate that alarms me. But I think what I find most alarming, is that I’m thinking about it all so much I am worried I am missing out on the present, on living right now. And as stated before, my life has never been better. Despite the terror that is me becoming an adult, I don’t want to miss out on these years where every day is a new learning and growing experience. I don’t want to miss a single opportunity to be passionate and young and full of life. So this week, I’ve realized life is about planning ahead to get things done, but also remembering that if you don’t let go every once and again and stop to smell the proverbial roses, life is going to pass you by.

MY BUSIEST YEAR: A Lot to Learn

This past week was utterly nuts. No two ways around it.

As an RA, I had to meet with all of my residents one on one to fill out Roommate Agreements, I had residents coming to me with their personal issues, had my first hospital run and had to fulfill all other more regular duties.

For class, I had a list the length of a full piece of paper detailing all of the work I had to get done, only half of which I actually had the time to complete. I had a lot of planning to do and still have yet to do for Mirrorwall, since we have our first October staff meeting on Monday. I’ve been rehearsing my directing scene, which though it went well, was time consuming for me to look through and really create the vision I want to see come alive in the scene.

I reiterate . . . It’s. Been. Nuts.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel overwhelmed by everything in this past week. I have surely felt like there was much to be done in recent weeks since starting to be an RA/Full time student/Employee/Film company manager all at once, but this past week really did a number on me. I learned a lot about myself from it particularly in terms of how I plan things to get them done. But then, in my attempt to relax while doing not much in particular, I stumbled upon a quote that summed things up perfectly . . .

“The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.” -Tom Bodett

This whole year is really going to be one big test for me. Will I crumble under pressure, or will I rise to the challenge and show it who’s boss? Can I truly balance everything as well as I’d like to think I can, or do I sometimes need to throw in the figurative towel and ease back a bit. The tests I’ll endure in this coming year will be far harder than any written exam in my Shakespeare class. But what I take away from that, is that there are still many lessons for me to learn.

One of the things that happened to me this week a lot, was dealing one on one with my residents. I realized from that, that though I may be a few years older than them, and they’re freshmen with a lot to learn, there were things this week I was learning from them. Learning to have patience in the face of ignorance and that a supportive friend can make a world of difference.

Despite all my years of education and academics, I feel like these are the kinds of lessons that really shape who I am and I feel very lucky to have residents who remind me of that.

My residents wrote this next to my door and it made me feel so lucky to have such an incredibly sweet group of girls.

MY BUSIEST YEAR: Keeping It Classy

Whenever someone mentions it’s going to be (or is) their 21st birthday, there seems to be this instant chorus of “Oh yeeeeeah” from everyone. Because of course, we all know 21 means drinking, partying and messing around till you can’t remember it, right?

Wrong. Or at least for me personally.

Turning 21 was funny for me. I had an important class to be worried about the next morning, I had a residence hall to return to where I’m the person in charge of a floor of 48 girls, all of whom I am obligated to tell not to drink. Despite wanting to go out and party like any normal person does on their 21st, I found myself thinking heavily on how my actions would effect me the morning after. As much as I wanted to let loose and be careless, I realized that I’m a person with a lot of responsibility and that responsibility is not to be taken lightly.

But here is the part that makes it funny. Despite knowing I had to play it safe, I still managed to go out and have a good time. How you ask? By doing what I’ve been saying all week, “Keeping it classy.” Just a few drinks. Enough to make me walk a little lopsided and laugh a little louder, but not enough to wake up somewhere I’ve never been before.

Blog columnist Michele at the local bar on her 21st birthday with good friend and fellow RA, Arthur

There is no where in any written book that says one can’t have fun while taking their responsibilities and obligations into account. It’s just about finding that balance. Celebrating my 21st with just a few close friends and a couple of drinks. Having my residents bake me a cake while we spent the night in watching Glee. But then getting my homework done and getting into class on time the next morning. Remembering that though fun is key in life, so is taking care of the important things.

I really feel that thanks to my new skills with learning how to balance and the little RA voice in my head reminding me to be a responsible young woman, I was able to have a 21st birthday (that unlike most people I know) I will always remember.

MY BUSIEST YEAR: What’s In A Day?

I’ve always found it interesting to look at how people define their days. Mondays are automatically awful, Fridays are party nights, Tuesdays are the day of the week no one seems to notice, and Saturdays are days where you want to do nothing but relax. These are the socially accepted days of the week. And what I find more interesting, is how strange people find it when you don’t follow the comonly accepted weekly routine.

I say this because both last week, and yesterday, I found myself spending my Friday working, doing homework late into the night. The same for Saturdays. So many people ask how my weekend was, and when I tell them I spent it doing work, they seem utterly shocked. “Why would you be doing all that work on the weekend!?” Well really the answer is simple. When else am I going to have time to do it?

My Monday through Thursday is so packed I scarcely know what to do with myself. Monday and Wednesday  it’s class, work, meetings, Tuesday & Thursday I have four classes almost back to back. So where in there am I supposed to complete my homework? When am I to sit down and make up a meeting plan for my film company? My weekends, which are my only ‘free time’, end up getting consumed by work.

Do I miss being able to kick back and do nothing on a Saturday night? Sure. Though does this mean I never have ANY time to myself? Not necessarily. I may not spend my days lounging about, but I do usually take some time out of my weekend nights (and sometimes weekdays, though that is probably a bad idea) to kick back for two hours and watch a movie with my residents. Movies are always my escape, so it seems only fitting that what little spare time I have is spent watching them.

But those moments of losing myself in a good movie aside, my weekends have become full of work because I have to start getting better at managing my time. All of the things I want to keep myself involved in require my attention, so if I can’t fit it in during the week, I’m really okay with taking my weekend time to do it. If it wasn’t something I loved, I wouldn’t watse the effort when with so much going on, effort is such a precious commoditiy.

So yes, I’ll take the funny looks for studying on a Friday. My film homework might not be a some epic college party, but it is one stepping stone I’m laying down for the road work to a more organized and overal better future for myself, and I think that’s definitely something I can live with.

MY BUSIEST YEAR: I Can’t Stand Still

I have never been good at sitting still. From what family has always told me, I was a fidgety kid. In elementary school I loved making friends with everyone on the playground and even remember starting an unofficial ‘Swing Club’, where I showed the kids how to do crazy things on the swing set. I also was involved in girl scouts, because I just loved the idea of being part of a group. By middle school, there were real clubs to join. Plays to be in, choirs for me to be part of.

Then came high school, and my desire to be involved in everything really started to flourish. By the time I had graduated, I had been part of all five school choirs, did both stage crew and acted in our drama department, I was involved in the telecom department, wrote for the school paper the year they had it, was the co-president of the school GSA and some things I don’t even remember. I was the kid that everyone asked if there was something I wasn’t involved in. It became a big part of who I was.

I assumed college would be just the same, so when I got to the end of my freshmen year and realized I was only in one club for fun and hadn’t done anything else outside of class, I honestly felt a little lost.

Despite the confusion and madness that comes with being involved in everything, it was something I’d grown so accustomed to, and being without it carved a hole in my life. I felt like I was giving up on part a part of what made me, me.

Sophomore year, I told myself things were going to change and slowly but surely, I got involved in more things. I tried doing more with my film company, I started working with Rosella on this little thing called M.L.T.S. (which if you’re reading this now, you know it’s grown to be a lot more than a little thing) and I got something I’d been wanting for years…

I got a position as an RA for my junior year. That was the crowning achievement of it all. I just knew going into it that junior year was going to be the year. I was going to get back to who I was.

And now, three weeks into junior year, I’m realizing that I’m not back to who I was, but I’m actually even better. I’m becoming more skilled at balancing, I’ve become more confident in my abilities, and I’m doing way more this year that I ever have.

This is going to probably be the most hectic year of my life, but I could not be more thrilled. Keeping my head screwed on will probably have its bad days, but I know in the end, when I come out of the school year with a resume that’s made of rainbows, that it will have all been worth it. So what am I up to? Let’s list:

1. I’m an RA

2. I take 16 credit hours

3. I work at my building’s front desk

4. I am the photo editor (and most recently, a blogger) for M.L.T.S. magazine

5. I’m in a paranormal investigative society called T-Lights

6. I am joining the Temple Film Collective

7. I’m starting a show choir with a friend of mine

8. I run a film production company that this coming year has two feature documentaries, one narrative feature, a web show, and several short films in the works.

Phew. As you can see, I’ll be keeping myself occupied. Which brings me to my close. Why am I even writing these blog posts when I’ve got so much going on? Because the written word is a passion for me, a passion unlike any other. Writing keeps me together.

In addition, I’m really realizing that life is a balancing act, a balancing act I am ever learning more about. This year, with so much going on, I’m going to need to find a way to get everything done while not losing my head, and I think sharing what I’m going through trying to do it all will be good for me. And on top of that, I feel with that sharing my venture to balance it all with young women who are in the same boat as me can prove beneficial for them too.

Many of us who are in college, especially those pursuing creative endeavors, are always working to better ourselves. We’re all trying to get through life without just going through the boring motions of a routine. We’re all trying to find joy in what we do, trying to find piece of mind in the fact that all of the insane amounts of work we do now are going to pay off in the long run.

I think by chronicling that adventure for others will make what’s going to be the busiest year of my life, a year worth getting through.