When I last wrote, I was at my highest stress level I have been at in months, if not the highest all year. So much pressure, so many things to be doing, so many responsibilities. But where last week was a hectic haze of confusing, this week I found myself determined to not let that happen twice in a row. So this week, I really got it together, and got things done.
Probably the most exciting part of my week was by far, getting my business cards in the mail and launching the new Mirrorwall website. This was huge for me. Now with cards to show my legitimacy and my own domain name for Mirrorwall Films, I feel unstoppable as a filmmaker. I have a solid crew for once, I have determination like never before, and for a nice change of pace, a pleasant overflow of ideas. On the filmmaking front, I’ve never been happier.
In a lot of ways though, I find myself saying I’ve never been happier. Which brings me to why I waited to post my usual Saturday update on a Sunday. I wanted to write about what it was like working at the Temple Fall Open House today.
Sounds lame, right? Standing around in the ridiculous heat (remind me where this heat came from?!) for four hours giving out pamphlets and answering questions about what style housing to live in or which way to go to the Student Center. In that sense, today was not all that incredible.
But then I think about who I used to be; scared high school junior going on an open house tour, afraid leaving high school, afraid of not getting into any college let alone Temple, my absolute dream school. Then I think of who I was today; confident Temple University FMA junior who works as an RA, giving advice and pointers to the same students that I used to be exactly like four years ago. The fact that two students asking me questions were going into FMA made it feel even more like I was looking in a mirror and the reflection was my former self. Add that to a conversation I had with a good friend the other night and it makes me feel even more grown than ever.
We were chatting about life, and where we are now, and how fast the future is coming at us, and I made the statement saying that I hope to have kids by the time I’m 30. His response was, “You know that’s in less than nine years right?” And I froze. The thought that in less than nine years (which seeing how fast the last four went, will probably mean nine years will feel like a week or two) I might be a mother, kind of scared the shit out of me.
I’m growing at a rate that alarms me. But I think what I find most alarming, is that I’m thinking about it all so much I am worried I am missing out on the present, on living right now. And as stated before, my life has never been better. Despite the terror that is me becoming an adult, I don’t want to miss out on these years where every day is a new learning and growing experience. I don’t want to miss a single opportunity to be passionate and young and full of life. So this week, I’ve realized life is about planning ahead to get things done, but also remembering that if you don’t let go every once and again and stop to smell the proverbial roses, life is going to pass you by.