MY BUSIEST YEAR: Looking At My Former Self

This theme of my past week seemed to be growing up, and life in general catching up with me.

When I last wrote, I was at my highest stress level I have been at in months, if not the highest all year. So much pressure, so many things to be doing, so many responsibilities. But where last week was a hectic haze of confusing, this week I found myself determined to not let that happen twice in a row. So this week, I really got it together, and got things done.

Probably the most exciting part of my week was by far, getting my business cards in the mail and launching the new Mirrorwall website. This was huge for me. Now with cards to show my legitimacy and my own domain name for Mirrorwall Films, I feel unstoppable as a filmmaker. I have a solid crew for once, I have determination like never before, and for a nice change of pace, a pleasant overflow of ideas. On the filmmaking front, I’ve never been happier.

In a lot of ways though, I find myself saying I’ve never been happier. Which brings me to why I waited to post my usual Saturday update on a Sunday. I wanted to write about what it was like working at the Temple Fall Open House today.

Sounds lame, right? Standing around in the ridiculous heat (remind me where this heat came from?!) for four hours giving out pamphlets and answering questions about what style housing to live in or which way to go to the Student Center. In that sense, today was not all that incredible.

But then I think about who I used to be; scared high school junior going on an open house tour, afraid leaving high school, afraid of not getting into any college let alone Temple, my absolute dream school. Then I think of who I was today; confident Temple University FMA junior who works as an RA, giving advice and pointers to the same students that I used to be exactly like four years ago. The fact that two students asking me questions were going into FMA made it feel even more like I was looking in a mirror and the reflection was my former self. Add that to a conversation I had with a good friend the other night and it makes me feel even more grown than ever.

We were chatting about life, and where we are now, and how fast the future is coming at us, and I made the statement saying that I hope to have kids by the time I’m 30. His response was, “You know that’s in less than nine years right?” And I froze. The thought that in less than nine years (which seeing how fast the last four went, will probably mean nine years will feel like a week or two) I might be a mother, kind of scared the shit out of me.

I’m growing at a rate that alarms me. But I think what I find most alarming, is that I’m thinking about it all so much I am worried I am missing out on the present, on living right now. And as stated before, my life has never been better. Despite the terror that is me becoming an adult, I don’t want to miss out on these years where every day is a new learning and growing experience. I don’t want to miss a single opportunity to be passionate and young and full of life. So this week, I’ve realized life is about planning ahead to get things done, but also remembering that if you don’t let go every once and again and stop to smell the proverbial roses, life is going to pass you by.

MY BUSIEST YEAR: I Can’t Stand Still

I have never been good at sitting still. From what family has always told me, I was a fidgety kid. In elementary school I loved making friends with everyone on the playground and even remember starting an unofficial ‘Swing Club’, where I showed the kids how to do crazy things on the swing set. I also was involved in girl scouts, because I just loved the idea of being part of a group. By middle school, there were real clubs to join. Plays to be in, choirs for me to be part of.

Then came high school, and my desire to be involved in everything really started to flourish. By the time I had graduated, I had been part of all five school choirs, did both stage crew and acted in our drama department, I was involved in the telecom department, wrote for the school paper the year they had it, was the co-president of the school GSA and some things I don’t even remember. I was the kid that everyone asked if there was something I wasn’t involved in. It became a big part of who I was.

I assumed college would be just the same, so when I got to the end of my freshmen year and realized I was only in one club for fun and hadn’t done anything else outside of class, I honestly felt a little lost.

Despite the confusion and madness that comes with being involved in everything, it was something I’d grown so accustomed to, and being without it carved a hole in my life. I felt like I was giving up on part a part of what made me, me.

Sophomore year, I told myself things were going to change and slowly but surely, I got involved in more things. I tried doing more with my film company, I started working with Rosella on this little thing called M.L.T.S. (which if you’re reading this now, you know it’s grown to be a lot more than a little thing) and I got something I’d been wanting for years…

I got a position as an RA for my junior year. That was the crowning achievement of it all. I just knew going into it that junior year was going to be the year. I was going to get back to who I was.

And now, three weeks into junior year, I’m realizing that I’m not back to who I was, but I’m actually even better. I’m becoming more skilled at balancing, I’ve become more confident in my abilities, and I’m doing way more this year that I ever have.

This is going to probably be the most hectic year of my life, but I could not be more thrilled. Keeping my head screwed on will probably have its bad days, but I know in the end, when I come out of the school year with a resume that’s made of rainbows, that it will have all been worth it. So what am I up to? Let’s list:

1. I’m an RA

2. I take 16 credit hours

3. I work at my building’s front desk

4. I am the photo editor (and most recently, a blogger) for M.L.T.S. magazine

5. I’m in a paranormal investigative society called T-Lights

6. I am joining the Temple Film Collective

7. I’m starting a show choir with a friend of mine

8. I run a film production company that this coming year has two feature documentaries, one narrative feature, a web show, and several short films in the works.

Phew. As you can see, I’ll be keeping myself occupied. Which brings me to my close. Why am I even writing these blog posts when I’ve got so much going on? Because the written word is a passion for me, a passion unlike any other. Writing keeps me together.

In addition, I’m really realizing that life is a balancing act, a balancing act I am ever learning more about. This year, with so much going on, I’m going to need to find a way to get everything done while not losing my head, and I think sharing what I’m going through trying to do it all will be good for me. And on top of that, I feel with that sharing my venture to balance it all with young women who are in the same boat as me can prove beneficial for them too.

Many of us who are in college, especially those pursuing creative endeavors, are always working to better ourselves. We’re all trying to get through life without just going through the boring motions of a routine. We’re all trying to find joy in what we do, trying to find piece of mind in the fact that all of the insane amounts of work we do now are going to pay off in the long run.

I think by chronicling that adventure for others will make what’s going to be the busiest year of my life, a year worth getting through.