This time, CHRISTOPHER DOCTOR answers your questions about some eyebrow raising behaviors and crippling jealousy.
Dear Love Doctor,
My boyfriend and I are nine hours apart since I have had to go away to college. It’s been really stressful being apart. He has been calling me way too much because he’s worried that since I’m so far away I won’t be faithful. How can I reassure him that I will be?
Sincerely, Phaithful in Philly
There are many ways to reassure someone. The problem, I’m afraid, is that such reassurances are extremely fleeting. It is difficult to get someone to accept an idea that they themselves did not come up with. Thus, the concept of the movie, Inception. So unless you have sedatives and contraptions that allow you into your boyfriend’s dream, (Also a very clever plan), it will probably be for naught.
The trouble with these things is that there is no way for you to completely understand his insecurities. There is no way for you to fix them, either. There are two choices that you may make in this situation.
You may either (A) Remain patient and wait for him to work through these issues himself, or (B) Force the issue.
Different people will respond differently to either choice. Patience can lead you to enable him further, and force could destroy the relationship.
I counsel you this. If the relationship means a great deal to you, you should get to the heart of the matter. Ask yourself these questions. Has he cheated in previous relationships? Has he been cheated on? How happy are you when you’re together? How much relief is there when you’re separated? The answers will tell you all you need to know.
Good luck, Phaithful. Just remember, if you are worthy of someone’s trust, there is definitely a reason you are not getting it.
Discerningly, The Love Doctor
Dear Love Doctor,
I recently started dating a guy that I happen to think is really wonderful. He seems really perfect for me and I like him a lot, but all of my friends who met him seem to be 100 percent sure that he’s gay. He does nice dancing with his sister, he is abstinent and one of his goals is to go shopping at a Prada store. I personally think that there’s nothing wrong with any of that, but because of those and other reasons, my friends won’t let go of this whole “he’s gay” thing. What should I do?
Sincerely, Give It To Me Straight
Dear Give It To Me Straight,
None of those things you listed classify anybody’s sexuality. If someone tells you otherwise, they are simply stereotyping. It’s because we as people do not understand, that we generalize people and place them into categories.
You would do well to realize that a relationship is driven, kept and grown between two people: yourself and your partner. Nobody can tell you whether a relationship is working for you. Except you. If you are truly happy, do you need someone to approve it? You don’t need a round of applause every time you step out of your door to say, “Wow, you dressed yourself really well today.”
If you really need an answer, ask your partner. There is never any shame in communication. For good or for bad, the truth is the truth. Asking is the only way you’ll ever find out.
Hopefully Helpful, The Love Doctor
From M.L.T.S. Magazine‘s third issue, released in December 2011.