Love Smudged: Can we forgive?

Is anyone else sick and tired of hearing about K Stew’s nasty cheating scandal? I mean, yeah, we live in a culture where stars’ lives seem to be intertwined with our own (just count the number of celeb gossip sites that are out there), but how long can one incident of cheating be dragged out?

But if anything, the longevity of both our curiosity in and devastation over the not so snow white incident says one important thing – lies and hidden secrets in a relationship cause damage that lasts way into the relationship. In fact, I would argue that most of the time, despite forgiveness, it’s just too damn hard to forget.

Now, I’m not naïve. I realize that when you’re in a long term relationship, people screw up. It’s impossible to be perfect. But the occasional fuck-up like forgetting to call or missing an anniversary is way different than flirting/dating/sleeping with the opposite (or same) sex. That type of betrayal just breeds a shaky trust foundation, some level of paranoia and occasionally self-esteem woes.

I’m no stranger to the whole getting cheated on thing. My first love, and we’re talking puppy dog romance, false promises of staying together forever, make your friends sick kind of love, broke my heart six months into the relationship. After snooping through his MySpace (flashback anyone?), I found a disturbing message from a girl who seemed hell-bent on continuing their sexual rendezvous.

How’d I react? Well, after punching him and cursing him out on the street – a slight stray from my usual classy behavior – and some serious crying in bed, I took him back. Problem? I couldn’t forgive him. Despite how crazy stupid in love I was with him, the thought of him in bed with another girl took over my thoughts. Result? Our relationship totally crumbled, and six months later he cheated again with a different girl.

And now, years later, when I thought the whole being dishonest in a relationship thing was a part of my distant past, I find myself in a similar situation. While my boyfriend and I have never cheated, we’ve both been guilty of texting members of the opposite sex. Innocent? Yes, definitely, but does that really make it any better? Neither of us should have been sneaking cell phone conversations, and in the end, we both got caught.

So now, over a year into our relationship, we still struggle with some serious trust issues. Although I believe that my beau does love me unconditionally, the fear that he might find someone else still lurks in the back of my mind, and a big part of my insecurities can be attributed to my first heartbreak. Will I ever truly get over getting cheated on and having my heart chewed up, spit out and chewed back up again?

I’m still waiting to find someone who has been cheated on in a healthy relationship, free of any weird trust issues. Maybe if I did, it would give me hope that there is such a thing as truly getting over the feeling of being not quite good enough. Until then, I guess I’ll join the rest of the population and wait to see how things turn out with the Twilight lovers. Part of me hopes they’ll make it work, but part of me things that might just be impossible.

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One response to “Love Smudged: Can we forgive?

  1. Old wounds that are not fully healed become ‘infected’ and break the trust in relationships. Intimacy disappears. Love begins to fade and if you don’t attend to the troubled relationship warning signs, love dies a slow and sure death.

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