Tag Archives: Love

Miranda Kerr’s Got the Rx for Your Relationship Problems

Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom

Read on for Miranda Kerr’s advice on keeping your man interested. (Barf bags are not included.)

Dunno how I missed this earlier, but apparently, Miranda Kerr — she of the Victoria’s Secret fame who married Orlando Bloom and refused to let him leave the room while delivering his spawn — shared her relationship advice on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson earlier this month.

“My grandma said, ‘Men are very visual, so don’t forget that,'” Miranda said. “She said, ‘Every day, put a little makeup on, put on some nice underwear, and you’ll keep your husband.'”

I know you’ve heard the argument against such sexist notions before. It’s insanely ridiculous to tell an audience that you can “keep” your man if you look good enough, as if to say that should he cheat on you or break up with/divorce you, it’s your own damn fault. Yeah, you lazy good-for-nothing opposite-of-a-hottie.

Well, the quote kind of got Cosmopolitan’s Korin Miller wondering. In her blog post on December 5, she posed the question: “[W]hat do guys do for us to bring the sexy?”

She continued, writing, “We mean, most try to seduce us in grotty old boxers and have zero qualms about downing garlic bread before a makeout session, while we repeatedly whip out matching lingerie and avoid stinky foods to keep things hot.”

Honestly, I don’t even make that much of an effort. Sure, I dress up for work, and I take pride in having beautiful hair, but I also love garlic more than any other spice on this green earth. And he of the “grotty old boxers” doesn’t get super fancy lingerie because, guess what? I don’t get freebies from my day job as a super model. I can’t afford $6-a-pop lace panties. Sorry.
So yeah, he’s just got to love me the way I am. If he’s not turned on by the sight of my tight, plump butt in a light blue cotton panty, then it’s not on me. So please, Miranda Kerr, you who probably wake up looking like a goddess, shut up about how we mere mortals can keep our men. Ugh.
-Rosella Eleanor LaFevre

Love Smudged: Can we forgive?

Is anyone else sick and tired of hearing about K Stew’s nasty cheating scandal? I mean, yeah, we live in a culture where stars’ lives seem to be intertwined with our own (just count the number of celeb gossip sites that are out there), but how long can one incident of cheating be dragged out?

But if anything, the longevity of both our curiosity in and devastation over the not so snow white incident says one important thing – lies and hidden secrets in a relationship cause damage that lasts way into the relationship. In fact, I would argue that most of the time, despite forgiveness, it’s just too damn hard to forget.

Now, I’m not naïve. I realize that when you’re in a long term relationship, people screw up. It’s impossible to be perfect. But the occasional fuck-up like forgetting to call or missing an anniversary is way different than flirting/dating/sleeping with the opposite (or same) sex. That type of betrayal just breeds a shaky trust foundation, some level of paranoia and occasionally self-esteem woes.

I’m no stranger to the whole getting cheated on thing. My first love, and we’re talking puppy dog romance, false promises of staying together forever, make your friends sick kind of love, broke my heart six months into the relationship. After snooping through his MySpace (flashback anyone?), I found a disturbing message from a girl who seemed hell-bent on continuing their sexual rendezvous.

How’d I react? Well, after punching him and cursing him out on the street – a slight stray from my usual classy behavior – and some serious crying in bed, I took him back. Problem? I couldn’t forgive him. Despite how crazy stupid in love I was with him, the thought of him in bed with another girl took over my thoughts. Result? Our relationship totally crumbled, and six months later he cheated again with a different girl.

And now, years later, when I thought the whole being dishonest in a relationship thing was a part of my distant past, I find myself in a similar situation. While my boyfriend and I have never cheated, we’ve both been guilty of texting members of the opposite sex. Innocent? Yes, definitely, but does that really make it any better? Neither of us should have been sneaking cell phone conversations, and in the end, we both got caught.

So now, over a year into our relationship, we still struggle with some serious trust issues. Although I believe that my beau does love me unconditionally, the fear that he might find someone else still lurks in the back of my mind, and a big part of my insecurities can be attributed to my first heartbreak. Will I ever truly get over getting cheated on and having my heart chewed up, spit out and chewed back up again?

I’m still waiting to find someone who has been cheated on in a healthy relationship, free of any weird trust issues. Maybe if I did, it would give me hope that there is such a thing as truly getting over the feeling of being not quite good enough. Until then, I guess I’ll join the rest of the population and wait to see how things turn out with the Twilight lovers. Part of me hopes they’ll make it work, but part of me things that might just be impossible.

LOVE LESSON: Don’t Text Your Way to a Break-Up

This is our “Love Lessons” column. Every week, we publish a mini-essay (100-250 words) about a single thing that can make or break a relationship. To submit your own entry, email mlts.magazine@gmail.com.

Photo from Wikipedia

Communication has truly evolved. We have so many ways to express ourselves and connect. From Facebook and Twitter, to blogging and texting, we can instantly reach out and say what’s on our minds. But just because we can, doesn’t mean we should. Instant communication may not be the best medium, especially where romantic relationships are concerned. One small text can turn one small issue into the mother lode of all fights. No matter how many smiley faces or little hearts you add in, texts are often misconstrued because they lack that face-to-face interaction where you pick up on emotion, body language, humour, and so many other subtleties for which we humans are known.  If something is important enough to discuss, it should be important enough to wait until you are able to have an in-person conversation.  While it may be difficult sometimes to broach certain topics or discuss your feelings, face-to-face communication gives you what every relationship needs: connection. Eyes, faces, bodies, emotions : no smiley faces or little hearts needed because it’s all there in front of you. Plus, when it comes to making up, I’d pick a real kiss over a virtual one any day. – Brenda LePage

LOVE LESSON: Real Lovers Are Silly

Smiling lesbian couple shot by Bianca Crespo

Real lovers know how to laugh together, says writer Rae Bradley. (All photo rights belong to photographer Bianca Crespo)

“Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly,” Rose Franken said.

There’s only so much passion a couple can have. I’m not saying you can’t have a lot, but there is a balance that’s required to make it work, as with anything in life. I really think Ms. Franken was onto something. You can be as serious, romantic, and passionate as you want; just make sure you have a good laugh while you’re at it.

My boyfriend Jon and I have been together for three years and three months now. We’ve had our bumps and awkward moments, but it’s never deterred us from being able to laugh at the situation (or each other). Obviously, some moments are more sensitive than others, and handling them accordingly is not only appropriate, but necessary. However, looking back, there has been a surplus of moments that could have turned sour, if not for our ability to throw a little humor into them.

One of the major reasons I fell in love with Jon was his ability to make me smile and laugh. Even now, there isn’t a day that goes by that he fails at that. And yes, admittedly, we have pet names for each other. We are that couple that friends call us “disgustingly cute.” I’ll be the first to say, frankly, we are ridiculous—but it has never gotten out of hand or in the way of important matters. I think our “silliness” is what has kept us so close all these years. And honestly… I wouldn’t change it a bit. – Rae Bradley

LOVE LESSON: Break Out of that Rut

This is the fifth installment of our “Love Lessons” column. Every week, we publish a mini-essay (100-250 words) about a single thing that can make or break a relationship. To submit your own entry, send an email to mlts.magazine@gmail.com.

Every weekend last year my boyfriend and I made our way to our favorite cheap Philadelphia eatery for create-your-own salads and buffalo burgers then we toured the shops on Walnut and eventually made our way back to the confines of his room to half watch a movie and happily fall asleep. Enjoyable? Yes. Comforting? Of course. But exciting? Clearly not.

And the more of a routine rut we fell into, the more we argued. We didn’t have anything interesting to recap on when our night was over, and there weren’t any new, life experiences for us to share together. The routine was quietly destroying our bond.

But when I moved to New York this summer, all of that changed. Each time we see each other, after obnoxiously long embraces, we have a new neighborhood to explore and adventures to embark on as a couple. And now, we have improved not only our conversations but also our bond.

So this weekend, instead of finding peace in comfort, make your love get out of that rut and experience something new with you. It makes a big difference, I promise. – Cary Carr

LOVE LESSON: Forget the Flaws or Move On

This is the fourth installment of our “Love Lessons” column. Every week, we publish a mini-essay (100-250 words) about a single thing that can make or break a relationship. To submit your own entry, send an email to mlts.magazine@gmail.com.

So your boyfriend forgot to turn off the lights when he left the house and when you got home the cat wasn’t fed and the son-of-a-bitch forgot to make the bed? Get over it. Focusing on someone’s flaws will indefinitely destroy your relationship, especially if you’re consistently throwing them in your partner’s face thereby making them feel like a bad puppy that just had a carpet-abolishing incident.

Now there’s some, shall we say, personality flaws that are simply unforgivable (i.e. anything that involves abuse, cheating, lying, etc.), but if you can’t let go of the little things than you’re not being fair to your mate. And, truth be told, none of us are perfect – excluding of course Ryan Gosling and George Clooney.

Instead of focusing on how annoyed you are, try focusing on the positive — like the fact that your partner is comfortable enough around you to be themself. Plus, those dorky character imperfections are what makes your sweetie multidimensional and – let’s face it — pretty comical. – Cary Carr

LOVE SMUDGED: Defining Differences

You hear it all of the time – opposites attract and therefore, make the best couples. But recently, I’ve been debating whether or not this is accurate. Why? Well, because my boyfriend and I are so extremely different from one another that it often times causes little (and sometimes big) bumps in our relationship.

I grew up with the mentality that to get where you want to go, in my case hopefully a national magazine, you need to work. Not just get done your homework on time, pass all of your classes and make sure your room is clean work. No, I mean straight A’s in Advanced Placement classes, leader of at least one organization and too-busy-to-even-breathe work.

I’m the type of overly obsessive perfectionist who never leaves her planner at home. I leave, breathe and sleep organization to make sure I can go above and beyond my set goals. I’ve had three internships, I’ve been dancing for the past 18 years, I hold a high GPA and I drive my friends completely insane with my planning for the future. In high school, I was outside of AP biology an hour before class and stayed an hour late, refusing to get anything other than a five on my test. And in college, I gave up sleep to make sure I could conquer eighteen credits, an internship, a job and several writing gigs.

On the other hand, my boyfriend started out early with the mentality that living life carefree held precedence over any sort of stressful concerns regarding grades, money or unappealing commitments. Now, I promise you, he is one of the most intelligent men I have ever met. He sees the world more clearly than I ever could and understands relationships, people and feelings better than most people I know. But junior year of high school, he made the decision to drop out.

With a group of friends more interested in pills than chemistry formulas, he fell into a life full of drugs and depression. Fortunately, he pulled himself out of the mess, cleaned up his act, got his GED and started working two jobs. That’s around the time I came into his life, bursting with ambition as my junior year of college began.

With my annoying motivational speeches and my consistent reminders that he could use his passion for music to better his life, he enrolled in community college. But, still, his living-for-today attitude shines through, as he doesn’t concern himself with grades or anything close to perfect attendance.

I now find myself debating the longevity of our relationship. I have a year until graduation, and I plan on immediately moving to New York (where I currently reside), and he will still be at the starting line of his education run.

Could we really make it work when I have a full-time job, and he’s waking up at twelve? I’m not sure, and the closer that time gets, the more I find myself nagging him about getting his act together, taking on more classes and learning to wake up to the ringing of the alarm clock rather than twenty calls in a row from me and his Mom.

The problem is, after 21 years, you tend to get pretty stuck in your ways. No matter how many times he tells me to lighten up or to not be too hard on myself, I still beat myself up over the fact that I don’t have a perfect 4.0. And despite my regular complaints about his irresponsibility, he still will sleep through a class or wait until the morning of an exam to open up his textbook.

In the beginning of our romance, we both learned from each other, adoring one another’s opposing characteristics. But have we reached our breaking point? Is what once attracted us to one another now becoming our fatal flaw? I’m not sure. All I know is that I only have one year until I’m thrown into the real world, and I want my love to be on the same playing field of me, gearing up for adulthood.

On the flipside, I might be putting too much emphasis on the success of my partner. This could just be another incident of me trying to control things that are eternally out of my control. And from my experience, guys who have the same ambition as me tend to be assholes – self-obsessed, preoccupied and unaware of the people affected by their actions. Not quite sure what that says about me.

I still don’t have the answer, and I’m not sure if I will. I guess I should take some advice from my beau and take things one day at a time.

— Cary Carr