Tag Archives: Seduction

Miranda Kerr’s Got the Rx for Your Relationship Problems

Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom

Read on for Miranda Kerr’s advice on keeping your man interested. (Barf bags are not included.)

Dunno how I missed this earlier, but apparently, Miranda Kerr — she of the Victoria’s Secret fame who married Orlando Bloom and refused to let him leave the room while delivering his spawn — shared her relationship advice on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson earlier this month.

“My grandma said, ‘Men are very visual, so don’t forget that,'” Miranda said. “She said, ‘Every day, put a little makeup on, put on some nice underwear, and you’ll keep your husband.'”

I know you’ve heard the argument against such sexist notions before. It’s insanely ridiculous to tell an audience that you can “keep” your man if you look good enough, as if to say that should he cheat on you or break up with/divorce you, it’s your own damn fault. Yeah, you lazy good-for-nothing opposite-of-a-hottie.

Well, the quote kind of got Cosmopolitan’s Korin Miller wondering. In her blog post on December 5, she posed the question: “[W]hat do guys do for us to bring the sexy?”

She continued, writing, “We mean, most try to seduce us in grotty old boxers and have zero qualms about downing garlic bread before a makeout session, while we repeatedly whip out matching lingerie and avoid stinky foods to keep things hot.”

Honestly, I don’t even make that much of an effort. Sure, I dress up for work, and I take pride in having beautiful hair, but I also love garlic more than any other spice on this green earth. And he of the “grotty old boxers” doesn’t get super fancy lingerie because, guess what? I don’t get freebies from my day job as a super model. I can’t afford $6-a-pop lace panties. Sorry.
So yeah, he’s just got to love me the way I am. If he’s not turned on by the sight of my tight, plump butt in a light blue cotton panty, then it’s not on me. So please, Miranda Kerr, you who probably wake up looking like a goddess, shut up about how we mere mortals can keep our men. Ugh.
-Rosella Eleanor LaFevre